Updated: Oct 14, 2020
Today as I sat in church the lyrics to the song were speaking to me. I sat and thought about the last 8.5 months of my life. How everything felt like it was turned upside down, yet I knew there was a purpose. Here is my story, as long or short as it may be. Whether you believe in Jesus or not, he has been the light in my way.
On November 10, 2018 my grandfather passed away. Why is this significant?, just keep reading to find out.
We laid him to rest on November 17 and it was at dinner afterwards that I spoke with my late aunts partner about how I'd love to be able to do freelance work and stay home with my brood of boys and for me to help them better (two of them have ADHD and ODD and offer me many struggles but also offer much more love than any mother may ever experience). At the time I was working full-time for a year now and I couldn't handle the stress of not being home, of rushing, and I was wearing thin. I had a part-time side gig that I loved but never put 'effort' into it to be successful.
On Monday, November 20, 2018, I got let go from my job. I know that my abilities were lacking and my mind was elsewhere for the past few months, elsewhere as in my children. I got home devastated, took a week off, and then put on my big girl britches and was determined to be successful - this was my golden opportunity. I spent the next month updating my Etsy page and being present, resting, preparing for Christmas and being a mom.
There was a day in the shower that I broke down, I did the ugly cry, sobbing and surrendering myself to the Lord above. It was this day in December that I put everything in him. I had job interviews, I got some new wedding orders, I made Etsy sales and was getting unemployment. We were ok, but I put all my faith in God, he made this happen for a reason. March came and went and I still didn't have a job, yet I wasn't freaking out, mostly because my middle son was having a lot of issues in kindergarten and God put me where I was supposed to be. It was now May, still without a job, I knew my unemployment would run out and we'd be sitting. Yet, order after order kept coming in. Every time my email cleaned itself up and I was slow, three or more orders would come in the place of the empty. I was thriving, I was doing it, I was trying harder for work, and it was working for my family.
The first week of June arrived and there it was, the state of Wisconsin would no longer give me unemployment benefits and my high strung anxious body was OK with that. I'm here, I'm present, I'm helping my children (even though it's hard and some days I want to sit in my pajamas on my computer all day and let them play on their tablets) and I'm doing what I love - what I was destined for. As I sat in church today, wearing my 'faith' t-shirt I heard these words Let the light that shines above Become the light that shines in us There’s no darkness in Your way So have Your way Lord have Your way Lord, have your way with me, I know that everything you are putting in front of me, I can handle. I know that you are showing me my way. While my path may have been devastating and hard and trying, you knew what was going to happen. If I never would have lost my job, I wouldn't be sitting on all these orders, I wouldn't be doing wedding shows, I wouldn't be happy. God works in mysterious ways and has given me my clients, my work and my ability. So God, go ahead, have your way.